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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?